Mayo woman's podcast breaking down the stigma and isolation of pregnancy loss

OPEN conversation needs to start in Ireland around pregnancy loss and infertility.

A Mayo woman says it's time for people to stop struggling behind a veil of silence.

Dee Kelly, who hails from Swinford, has leant her voice and name to a conversation that is gaining momentum through her Finding Space podcast where she talks openly about her own journey with infertility, pregnancy loss, and life not unfolding as expected.

Based in Dublin where she works in finance, Dee's story will resonate with many women and men who live with the loss of miscarriage, of futures dreamt of that were never to be, and the lack of support when fertility treatment fails.

Dee's podcast, launched a year ago, has attracted interest from around the world, but closer to home she's also touching base with women through a Mother's Day event she's organising in Dublin that weekend.

The Other’s Day Brunch, on Saturday, March 14, is an afternoon of connection for anyone who experiences Mother’s Day differently, whether motherhood didn’t happen, hasn’t happened yet, or the weekend simply feels tender, with refreshments, easy conversation, and good company.

And Dee is also knocking on the door of the Oireachtas, supporting Nicola Ryan’s pregnancy loss Bill for an entitlement to paid leave from work following a miscarriage.

Ireland also doesn't have a miscarriage register, which needs to be addressed, she says.

This writer remembers her namesake from secondary school, 'the other Dee Kelly', as we know her by - a happy, chirpy youngster, a few years behind me, always smiling and a bit of craic.

And then to hear her adult voice on the Finding Space with Dee Kelly podcast where she speaks from the heart, a heart that has clearly been broken but is learning to heal and generously reaching out so that others can also join a journey of healing and change.

The podcast is honest and it's raw.

It's a place where Dee invites others to join her to talk openly about the issues around miscarriage, pregnancy loss, the challenges of trying to conceive, and the heartbreak of never bringing a baby home.

Dee and husband Alan started trying for a baby in 2020. What followed was a difficult five-year journey of repeated loss and failed IVF. She was left with many unanswered questions and the system offered little support in coping with the aftermath.

Multiple treatments were followed by repeated failures, including a ruptured ectopic pregnancy, and Dee has spoken about the massive impact on her mental health, left struggling with no counselling or support.

Learning to accept a life without children is a continuing journey, and through combined sharing she hopes it's a journey that can be made easier for her and others.

Before it happened to her, Dee admits she never truly understood what miscarriage meant, physically and mentally.

From her own experience, people struggle to speak about it, and you're not asked about it, primarily because of a fear of saying the wrong thing.

It's a loss where there is no wake, no funeral, none of the rituals of when we lose someone we love. Yet the loss is so very real for parents: “The pain of coming home with empty arms; the loss of a future you had imagined.”

Miscarriage is still a taboo subject in Ireland and that needs to change, says Dee.

“I want to break that silence. Every loss matters and no one should have to go through this alone.

“The more we share, the more we can break down the stigma and isolation,” she says.

Education is another critical element, she points out. From medical professionals to friends and work colleagues, we need to learn how to support people going through this loss.

The podcast came about through Dee's own pain, hurt and anger, having come out of a difficult journey and still trying to get answers.

Season one of Finding Space with Dee Kelly closed before Christmas, with 20 episodes, with season two underway, streaming every second week, and a waiting list of people wanting to contribute. Those contributions vary, from people sharing their personal stories to professionals in the field sharing care and advice.

Among those to reach out was Lana Manikowski, who is based in Chicago, and the inspiration behind Other's Day Brunch, an event to acknowledge and celebrate women who have or are journeying on this road. It's an opportunity to celebrate and feel validated, says Dee, instead of facing into Mother's Day full of dread.

“The sadness doesn't go away but it might not be as heavy,” she acknowledges.

The Other's Day Brunch takes place on Saturday, March 14, from 12.30 to 4 p.m. in the Clayton Hotel, Cardiff Lane, Dublin. More information, or to book tickets, here.

The Finding Space with Dee Kelly podcast is available on Spotify.

Dee will be talking with Tommy Marren on his morning show on Midwest Radio on March 9.

RESOURCES AND SUPPORT

Miscarriage Association of Ireland: Tel: (01) 873 5702; www.miscarriage.ie.

Ectopic Pregnancy Ireland: www.ectopicireland.ie.

Féileacáin: Tel: (085) 249 6464; www.feileacain.ie.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Ireland: www.pregnancyandinfantloss.ie.

Irish Fertility Counsellors Association: www.fertilitycounsellors.ie.

Gateway Women (childness not by choice): gateway-women.com.

Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy: www.iacp.ie.